An issue that has been on my mind constantly is, is all of this worth it? Let me elaborate on my ponderings...
My weekly routine consists of the following: working 32 hours (28 of these hours on the weekend, 3rd shift), studying, reading for classes, sleeping, and trying to keep on top of everything else like bills, laundry, cooking somewhat healthy meals, grocery shopping, and cleaning. A majority of my time is spent either studying, reading for class, or going to class. If I am doing anything else but that I feel completely guilty that I'm not trying to better myself as a nursing student. I unfortunately need to be a perfectionist, a habit that I'm trying to so hard to break, in and out of the classroom. I like to get perfect or near perfect scores on my exams, quizzes, homework assignments, and skills tests and if the end results aren't what I expect then I get really disappointed in myself. The same perfectionist attitude can be said about my house too. I love to have a neat, clean, and orderly household, this trait I got from my father. Before I started nursing school, I probably cleaned my house almost every other day because I didn't want anything looking dirty, covered in cat or dog hair, or have trash or various things setting out around the house, etc. I also was able to cook and bake a lot more than I am able to now. I would love making things from scratch and trying out new recipies every week, but that has since changed since school started. I spent more time with my family and friends and doing things that I enjoyed just because I had extra time to do them.
Since nursing school has begun, I see my friends and family less, my house looks like a dozen small children ran threw it and destroyed everything, I don't have time to cook and bake, most of our meals are quick fixes and are typically repeated from week to week. I believe one week Ben and I ate out for dinner almost every night. Not only does that effect our wallets, but it also made us feel slugish, sick, and just down right disgusting. I don't have time to workout. I'm not able to take the dog for a walk like I want to, or even play in the back yard with her as long as I would like. The laundry is two hampers full, but thanks to my mother has since disappeared. How freaking pathetic is it that my mother had to come take my laundry because we were running out of things to wear, and I couldn't find the extra time to get it done? I hardly get to spend quality time with my husband. We made a conscience effort to have date night at least once a week, but we barely see each other with his work schedule, working overtime, our sleep schedules so we can at least attempt to get more than 5 hours of sleep daily. Basically what it boils down to is I get no time to do the things that I want to do or enjoy. No time for casual reading, watching movies, working out, geocaching, playing with the pets, seeing my husband, spending time with family. None. Zero. Zip.
Most days I wonder is all that I'm giving up going to be worth me being a nurse? I freaking hope so.
I'm sure these thoughts come off as being whiney or complaining, and I know some people are busier and have it a lot worse than I, but I just needed to get this off my chest.
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